YMonitor Issue 46: Jaapa 101

Looks like criminality & terrorism is fast becoming the best way to ‘Jaapa’ from this country. To the extent that we’ve noticed tutorial centers springing up in & around Ojuelegba, Yaba & Akoka axis with the sole purpose of teaching ‘Jaapa 101’ – A new book is said to be in the works also by some of our very coherent & amiable Senators.

There were also rumours that some top lecturers in Federal Institutions were pushing for a new department as a result of “the” bill – A bill for the establishment of the National Agency for the Education, Rehabilitation, De-radicalisation & Integration of Repentant Insurgents in Nigeria & for other connected purposes – all in an attempt to re-orientate Nigerians that picking up arms, putting bombs on your chest, kidnapping girls are the interesting ways of having a fully funded Scholarship at Harvard, for instance. Nigeria truly knows how to make terrorists comfortable & relaxed, actually very good incentives if we’re to be honest.

In a recent twist & entirely smart move, our very morally upright & extremely brilliant members of the National Assembly has passed the bill – also known as the ‘Jaapa101 Bill’ – into first reading. A copy of the bill states that some percentage of TETfund & UBEC funds will be used in funding the agency – asides from being funded by grants & gifts, endowments & donations. As regards the powers of the proposed agency, the bill gives repentant terrorists the opportunity of receiving foreign education.

We’re entirely watchful for the existing progress & innovation that would result from one of the terrorists from the class of 2020 that’s coming out of Harvard.